Tuesday, April 8, 2014

A Fantastic Fear of Everything

So apparently a movie that shares the title of my blog post came out in 2012. I have never heard of it, but it looks fairly dark for a comedy. I wouldn't put it on the top of my "to watch" list. Of course, I don't really tend to gravitate towards comedies anyway, so don't take my word for it. {A little Reading Rainbow throwback for you.}

Back to the post at hand.

I can state though with utmost certainty that our life right now is much more dramatic than a Simon Pegg movie, and the fears are very real - however fantastical or silly. Let me give you some background.

Canon has this amazingly beautiful imagination. He will make up these wonderfully detailed worlds where dragons and knights and dogs go into battle with superheroes. All seems hopeless until Sir Canon the Dragon Slayer comes in with his trusty sidekick, River. {See Sonia? He loves your dog!}

Sorry for the terrible quality. Blame it on the phone. Yeah, yeah! Follow me on Instagram if you want to see more horrible quality, but fun, pictures of our everyday adventures.

But wait, there's more. Then a band of pirates comes along to steal his sword for their treasure and he has to ride on the backs of humpback whales to retrieve it. {I am assuming that River is surfing too, but he may have stayed behind to coral the large lizards.} Sir Canon the Dragon Slayer outwits the pirates and gets away just in time by having his pterodactyl pick him up and carry him back to the dragon's lair. All in time to save the village from the fire-breathing beasts.

Or something like that. His imagination is better than mine. Obviously.

Most of the time, his imagination is such a wonderful gift. I am so thankful that he has the ability to dream up play with such creativity. Lately, though, his imagination has become quite a problem for him - and us - at nap time and bedtime. I'll admit that at first I thought he was simply playing up the whole "not wanting to go to bed" with saying he was scared. We have learned, though, that his terrors are real. In his closet, under his bed, and outside his window something is just waiting to get him. When we ask what exactly is lurking, he doesn't know. A bad man? A monster? The only thing that he has spoken about is a snowman that doesn't melt. Apparently, he saw that on a cartoon that solves mysteries. They saw a snowman that wasn't melting on a hot summer day, and after following all of the clues, they finally found that it was a guy dressed as a snowman. He was supposed to be in a commercial for an ice cream parlor. It was the least scary thing ever. I mean it was on Busytown Mysteries. Geared toward preschoolers. Based on the Richard Scarry book series. Seriously. But that one episode somehow made a horrible impression on him.

You can see how scary it looks, right? Yeah, me neither. I don't know if that truly is what he is scared of or if it is just the first thing that came to his head when we asked him what was wrong. Regardless, it has made for some sleepless nights. We have taken to reading him a book at bedtime with no pictures. We have told him that he has to lie down and close his eyes to listen so that he will fall asleep. Otherwise, he is up for hours worrying about the invisible terrors around him. Yet, he still wakes up around 3:30 every morning and panics because no one is in the room with him. So then I am up making sure Canon can get back to sleep and doesn't wake up Craig. Fun times.

I feel like we are reverting back to the epic Battle of Sleeplessness, that went on during 2013 for six months and tested our patience - and our marriage - to the brink. We learned during that time why lack of sleep is a torture form used to break down prisoners. We are so scared to revert back to this time that we are desperate to fix this as soon as possible.

Obviously, we don't want Canon to be scared either so there's that. #priorities

Have you ever dealt with utter terrors spawning from your children's overactive imagination? How you did you combat it? We are willing to try anything to help him - and us - get through this tough time.

Oh, and Busytown Mysteries, Scooby Doo, and any show, movie, or book even remotely closely-resembling something that could possibly be construed as scary to a four-year old, has been banned until further notice.

Fun times are happening here, let me tell ya.

P.S. - Send help immediately. Some suggestions are as follows: {1} Children's Benedryl, {2} bourbon, or {3} boring documentaries such as How Different Paints Dry. Or all of the above. If you can suggest it, we will consider it.


  1. Oh man, what an imagination, just about anything has the potential to be scary!!! But your strategy of reading a story with no pictures sounds like a good one. I say your best bet is Jesus - He's always awake to frighten away monsters, even when mom and dad are sleeping ;)

    1. You know, we actually tried that. We even thought it would help that his Bible verse for the week was "In God I trust, I will not be afraid." Alas, it did not help to calm his fears.