Wednesday, August 27, 2014

An explanation

First of all, yes I know it's Wednesday. And yes, I know that Wednesdays are usually reserved for all things "wanderlust". However, yesterday was a little bit crazy around here. It all started with a little dude named Canon who decided he just could not take a nap. When that happens, 'hectic' isn't half the word I would use for our household. Also, routine is thrown out the window. And sanity. Heck, I may as well have been on the moon yesterday, and there is no wifi on the moon so I didn't get a post done. You understand. I hope.

The other reason I didn't post, though, is a much more terrifying and traumatic reason. In the spirit of openness, I have decided to share this story with you. I pray it doesn't give you nightmares.

You see, it all started when I went into my closet yesterday. I was minding my own business, picking out clothes to workout in when all of a sudden I saw something out of the corner of my eye. No. It couldn't be. Alas, it was.

A spider.

On one of my hanging shirts.

Of course, it wasn't one of those teeny tiny spiders that you can kill with toilet paper without thinking it is going to bite your finger off. No, of course not. It wasn't the biggest spider I have ever seen, but at that moment it was the most menacing. It had taken over my closet.

I briefly considered taking this route :

...but then I remembered that this is a rental house and that probably wasn't the smartest move.

So I did what any sensible person would do at that moment. I ran to the basement to grab the broom. You can never be too careful with these creatures.

But God made all creatures great and small.

Yes, well I am not sure God intended for it to take up residence amongst my scarves and raise a family in my shoes!

So, I raced down to get the broom and returned only to find...that the spider was nowhere to be seen. I began poking around its last known residence until finally I saw it dart backwards - further into my shirt! The creepy, menacing, conniving arachnid was planning its attack on me. It was waiting until I fell asleep that night to come and murder me in my bed.

I could read its mind at this point.

Although I couldn't actually see the eight-legged demon at this point, I began swinging. I swatted blouses, pants, and scarves. I took the shirt that I saw it crawling on and threw it on the ground and beat it to a bloody pulp...only to find it was no longer hiding inside. So I returned to the closet for more. I wasn't going to rest until I had proof of its demise.

I carefully moved hangers of clothes around until I saw movement. On the ground. IN MY SHOES.

Oh, heck to the no!

I began stabbing at the ground with the bristles of my broom. Shoes were flying everywhere. Canon was cowering in my bed at this point. My eyes were bloodshot and my hair was standing on end. Nostrils flaring and smoke coming out of my ears. I became a monster.

It continued taunting me with every shot - a menacing laugh emitting from its fanged mouth. I finally defeated the evil being. I got the last laugh.

But it was for a good cause. Sleep is very important in this household. As is sanity.

I commanded Canon to grab the dust buster, as I was not about to take my eyes off of this thing lest it slink away and hide to heal. I sucked it up and dumped the contents outside. And that shirt that it had apparently called home? Also, trashed for fear of eggs hatching one day.


So you see? I couldn't post yesterday, because I was basically saving the world. For over an hour!

You are welcome.

No comments:

Post a Comment